The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize