nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
