Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
