as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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