Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
