carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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