i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
