I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize