Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
