Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
