I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
