My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
