Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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