I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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