After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
