I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
