Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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