To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
