youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
