so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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