You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
