How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
