Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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