Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
