I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When are your genitals available?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
