peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
