Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
