Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
