and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
