How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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