Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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