Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
