found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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