Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
