The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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