Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize