You smell like stripper and shame
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize