I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
