But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
