I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
