I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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