You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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