She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
