i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
