So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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