I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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