just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
