The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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