found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
