It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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