he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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