YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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