I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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