I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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