yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
