is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
