I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
