be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
