So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
