On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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