just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
