Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
