just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize