***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I checked into jail on foursquare
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize