is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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