Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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