If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
