haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
