I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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