@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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