my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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