So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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