woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
