How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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