i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize