That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
