I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
