there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
