She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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