Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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