Farmville is her only friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
