How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
