I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
