I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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