why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
