just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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