Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
