I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's even glitter on my cock...
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