this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize