Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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